Yesterday, Thursday 1 June 2023, the lifeless body of Giulia Tramontano, 29 years old, seven months pregnant, killed by her partner Alessandro Impagnatiello, was found.
The hashtag #losapevamotutte is very appropriate, because when I saw that they were looking for her and her partner had reported her missing, I immediately thought “He definitely killed her”. But I refrained from expressing this thought, as many other women did, thinking that I would surely be labeled as the usual “pessimist”, the usual “male hater”, and I too cultivated the intimate hope of being proven wrong.
But reality confirmed everyone’s spontaneous thought. Then I opened Facebook, and my anger for yet another femicide increased even more, reading the reaction of the “people”.
Here is the post I wrote on my wall:
“I’ve been reading horrifying comments already this morning.
“But what kind of men do you choose?”
“But how could she even be with a monster?”
In short, it’s always the fault of the victim.
Given that men who kill their partner do not walk around with the words “I am a potential murderer of partners” written on their foreheads, it is patriarchal culture that educates men to consider women “my woman”.
It also teaches men not to know how to manage emotions, not to express them without harming others and this means that violent outbursts of anger lead to serious consequences.
She was also stabbed to death, because it is the typical and violent way of those who reach the extreme gesture of “you rebel against me, I will annihilate you”.
These males are not monsters, they are not crazy, they do not need x-rays.
They are simply males educated in the patriarchy, “normal” males that we meet every day everywhere.”
Here are some of these comments found on Facebook, which then increased in the following days:
Lust was the one who killed, not the male. And we women can choose, it’s our fault that we go looking for it.
“Killing YOUR woman with YOUR child in her womb”. If we continue with the culture of possession, if something is YOURS, you have the power of life and death over it.
It’s always women’s choice if they kill us, right? Blame it on love, on the wrong meeting, on the male who has never killed.
These “monsters” that are difficult to recognize, surely we have to work harder, right?
We must, while the corpse is still warm, immediately shift the responsibility onto women. Should we show the responsibility of men instead? Since they are the ones killing us? Then I point out the veiled paternalism in the phrase “dear feminist inside”. I specify that the commento was written by a woman, who evidently forgot that feminists fight so that this violence no longer exists, they fought to be able to vote and that if this woman is now not locked at home looking after her children and family without the possibility of choice it is thanks to the feminists.
What men do you choose, dear women? What can lead a man to arrive at this? But what, in your opinion, good heavens? I know the answer, why is it not clear to many people? But if you hang out with a murderer, what do you expect? Of course because this man also had the “murderer” tag attached, why was Giulia so stupid not to see it?
Let’s start with the lecture to women. “never go to the last clarifying meeting” (yes because we know it’s the last one, right?), “report”, yes because afterwards we are safe, right? we are believed, right? it’s a walk in the park to report, “don’t let a man humiliate you, offend you, etc.”, “protect yourselves”. Yes of course, protect yourselves, don’t wear miniskirts, don’t seem available, don’t talk to strangers, don’t leave the house, don’t raise your voice, protect yourselves or they’ll kill you. Thinking of giving a lecture to men, instead? no eh… We must be strong women, men not even be able to handle a refusal.
Here also the newspapers, article written by a woman, who states that the work of deep education must be done on women, who must learn to save themselves. Education must not be done on men, God forbid. Here is the full article, if you want to read it and get an ulcer: https://www.lastampa.it/cronaca/2023/06/01/news/al_paese_serve_unopera_di_educazione_profonda_dobbiamo_insegnare_alle_ragazze_a_salvarsi-12835420/
This is another article published today, June 1, in La Stampa, which is exactly what should be written in all newspapers on this topic: https://www.lastampa.it/editoriali/lettere-e-idee/2023/06/02/news/litalia_e_una_repubblica_macchiata_dai_femminicidi_ognuno_faccia_la_sua_parte-12837474/?fbclid=IwAR1418fuFw4wyikwVMrOaw1W-zQ4yn0tUC_laE8GGn-zDr-yPB8qbbbc7A4
Come on girls, do good to each other, go away! Of course, of course.
Then this morning I woke up listening to Radio24, like every morning, Simone Spetia’s press review, certainly not expecting to hear femicide being discussed correctly, no, I certainly didn’t expect it, but I expect journalists not to express opinions without having first studied the subject, especially if there are women who are very knowledgeable about that subject, but instead 2 men are quoted on the subject.
At which point I wrote an email to Simone Spetia, which I report here:
“Good morning,
I want to comment on the intervention of the listener who said this morning that potentially we are all in danger in a couple: I totally agree.
You Simone reacted in the usual male way: “Eh no there are also loving males, etc.”
The problem is that all of us, males and females, grow up in patriarchal culture.
It is so pervasive that we are used to it.
Unfortunately, “not going to the last clarifying meeting” or “learning to save ourselves” is not enough, because until men also start deconstructing the patriarchy, we women cannot do everything.
Why was only one interview with Crepe (!!!) and a male magistrate cited this morning?
Why were women experts in the field of male violence against women, such as those from the D.I.R.E. association, not cited?
Why were no do you mention Survivor or anyone who has had experience with violence and manipulation??
We still can’t believe it, it’s hard to find women who want to talk about it on the radio. There are experts out there.
It is said that men who kill are because they have lived in a violent environment.
So I say that this “violent environment” towards women is everywhere.
Even growing up in an environment where the woman only takes care of the house, as if it were automatic, is a violent environment, you know.
Even not calling women to speak, not even when things concern them directly is violence against them.
Even saying “we are not all like this” is violence, because it means passing the responsibility onto others, instead of making yourself available to women to solve the problem together.
It means wanting to give an opinion on a topic about which you do not know enough, continuing to perpetuate prejudice and discrimination.
Femicide is only the extreme act, which begins with catcalling, with wanting to speak in place of women, with men dissociating themselves from those who kill their partner, it begins by exchanging photos of naked women between men believing it to be a prank, it begins by not believing a woman who tells you that she went to the Alpine gathering and was harassed. It starts by accusing us of asking for it, it starts by not being believed when we report it, because “ma’am, you chose it and now you’re keeping it”.
It starts when you ask yourself “but why do they get together with this type of male?”
News: they don’t have the “violent male” tag and 99% of us have had relationships with lying, manipulative and childish males.
Yes, because it doesn’t start “with the first slap” or the first verbal violence, it starts with the first lie and with the belief that women are born to be at the service of men.
Should we learn to defend ourselves from all this? Then I recommend never pairing up with a male, as a precaution.
Violence begins when no male is upset if it is automatic that the partner does the laundry or cooks.
It begins when they force separated mothers to show their children to the violent father, otherwise you spend years of hell between technical consultants and trials. It starts when THE PM or THE magistrate is mentioned and then the name is that of a woman.
It starts by wanting to teach women to defend themselves and never teaching men to take their responsibilities.
It starts when there is only 10 days of paternity leave and the children are mostly taken care of by the woman.
It starts when we have to ask for part-time because we can’t manage everything and then we find ourselves with half of our partner’s pension.
It starts when in emergencies like COVID, women are the ones who have to resign to follow their children at home in Fad.
It starts when you think that giving the contraceptive pill for free is a danger.
It starts when you care more about the abstract concept of “birth rate” than women’s health.
It starts when laws are passed that prevent women from doing what they want with their own bodies and organs.
It starts when a man tells you how to behave when you have your period, that pain is normal and that youit’s “always done that way”.
It starts when you hear every day that a woman must be beautiful, well-groomed and always young, otherwise who wants you?
It starts when we say that it’s normal that if you don’t give it to him regularly he’ll find someone else.
It starts when whatever you do and say in public you are judged by how you dress or your hair.
It starts when “the mother” is called into question when a man doesn’t do something at home. The father never arrived.
It starts when you are convinced that some things are by nature suited to males and others to females.
It starts when sentences for gender violence are lower than sentences for theft, but a woman’s life is ruined forever.
It starts when you read in the newspapers that actresses advertise themselves when they accuse of harassment.
It starts when you affirm these realities and you are forced to say “I’ll start by saying that I have it in for the patriarchy, not for males”, otherwise the poor things will offend.
It starts when in your city there are no monuments dedicated to any woman, but only to men.
It starts when you have to vote for the election of the Mayor and the candidates are 90% male.
It starts when the directors of newspapers and radio stations are 90% male.
It starts when the great powerful people of the earth are 99% male.
It starts when there are no you report it because you know that from then on your life will be hell worse than being abused.
It starts when you get on a train and you have to be careful that there are not only males in the carriage.
It starts when in the morning you have to think about how to dress so as not to feel “too slutty” or “too unsexy”.
It starts when you entrust the child you gave birth to to an anonymous service to take care of it, and a rich white male lectures you without even knowing you. The father, here too, is not found.
Violence starts from all this, and if it does not reach femicide it is only by “luck”.
We women survive by “luck” or because we defend ourselves in some way.
We would like to simply live our lives and fulfill ourselves as people, and instead we have to spend our lives finding ways to defend ourselves and listening to advice to defend ourselves.
I ask once again, when you talk about male violence against women, call upon the many women experts on this topic to speak, refraining from giving opinions, but LISTENING.
Have a nice day.”
I wonder if he will answer me. Last time I wrote to him about Paolo Mieli’s comments on Ambra Angiolini’s words, who had stated that equal pay is enough, even if we appeal to professional women with masculine words. Even then the comments were inappropriate and as usual all the people giving their expert opinion were male.
I won’t add anything else, except that on social media and in the media, newspapers and TV, horrors and violence against women continue to appear, by people stuffed with patriarchy (the majority). In the meantime, yesterday a policewoman was killed by her colleague, with his service weapon.
Alessandro Impagniatiello’s lawyer has already stated that the murderer is shaken, tried, he is only now realizing what he has done, so let’s immediately open up the possibility of mental infirmity, it was “the fit” that killed, not him. Then let’s put him in one of the new rehabilitation centers for abusive men, so as to teach him how to behave. I wonder why the same isn’t done with people who steal or with men who kill men. Bo.
